Skin
by AkaOkamiRyu
Summary: AU. 17 year old Sara Sidle has recently learned that she has cancer. Little bit of Snickers at the end, songfic to Rascal Flatts “Skin.” Rating becaus cancer is a sad and scary thing.


**:-:-:-: Skin :-:-:-:**

AU. 17 year old Sara Sidle has recently learned that she has cancer. Little bit of Snickers at the end, songfic to Rascal Flatts "Skin."

I want to dedicate this to my aunt, who's recently been diagnosed with cancer. My heart's with her right now, as I can't be.

Just so you know, I don't own CSI or the song "Skin." I would, however, love to own Eric Szmanda who, I've just realized is from the same state I am. Totally defeats my argument of there being no hot guys from Wisconsin.

Also, much thanks to Britt for the beta reading!

Quick Notes

1. "Howdy." Denotes talking.

2. **_Lyrics _**Denotes song lyrics.

3. **:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:** Denotes a break in time, place or subject that occurs between two lyrical sets.

4. Takes place when Sara is 17. She goes to school with Nick (mind he's not mentioned till the endish.)

That being said, let us continue on!

**:-:-:-: Skin :-:-:-:**

_**Sarah Beth is scared to death**_

_**To hear what the doctor will say**_

_**She hasn't been well**_

_**Since the day that she fell**_

_**And the bruise, it just won't go away**_

_**So she sits and see waits with her mother and dad**_

_**and Flips through an old magazine**_

_**Til the nurse with the smile**_

_**Stands at the door**_

_**And says will you please come with me**_

17-year-old Sara Beth Sidle sat nervously in the sterile, silent waiting room. As she turned the page of the magazine she was pretending to read, she squirmed slightly in the uncomfortable, plastic chair, and let her eyes wander to her parents' faces. Her mom was reading a book she'd brought, but Sara could tell by the look on her face she wasn't really paying attention. Her brown eyes, Sara's brown eyes, had a far off quality to them. Her father's forehead was crinkled in concern, his eyes closed.

Seeing that they were distracted, Sara gave up her attempts at looking through the magazine and tossed it aside. With an internal sigh, she rolled up the leg of her jeans, revealing a large, blue and purple bruise. How long ago had she tripped on the stairs? It was Monday today, she'd fell last Saturday. Over a week. Shouldn't it have started to fade?

And how long had she been feeling ill? Sara could hardly remember the last time her bones hadn't felt achy, or when she'd gone more then a day without feeling at least slightly nauseous. And lately she'd been waking up in a sweat. She hadn't really thought anything of it, but when the bruise wouldn't fade and she began to have abrupt, piercing headaches, her parents decided things had gone on long enough.

Suddenly, the door on the far side of the waiting room opened with a quiet creak. An older nurse walked through, wearing a warm smile. "Sara Sidle." She read from her clipboard, before looking back up at the Sidles. "Doctor Davidson will see you now," she motioned for them to follow her, "right this way."

Sara and her parents followed the nurse down the white hall. Before she reached the examination room, she stopped Sara at a metal scale. "Please step up, Sara." She did, and waited with her eyes closed as the nurse took her weight. Sara'd never weighed that much to begin with, but she seemed to be losing weight in the last month or so. "109." The nurse made a sort of clicking noise in the back of her throat. "Your chart says you were 121 at your last visit. Have you been dieting Sara?" She hardly thought the thin girl would have needed to, or even would have, smart as she was, but she had to ask. Sara shook her head, and the nurse continued walking. Sara supposed that meant she should follow.

_**Sarah Beth is scared to death**_

_**Cause the doctor just told her the news**_

_**Between the red cells and white**_

_**Something's not right**_

_**But we're gonna take care of you**_

She was certain she was shaking, and she felt clammy and cold. The examination room seemed miles away, though she was acutely aware of her parents reactions to the news. Her mother was crying, and her father looked more upset the she could ever remember. Even more upset then when her older brother broke his leg and nearly lost his soccer scholarship. Worse then when Grandpa Sidle died.

She couldn't believe it. Didn't want to. There was a lump in her throat, subduing the questions she desperately wanted to ask. Sara knew all about cancer, she'd taken all the advanced sciences in her school, but she'd always looked at it in a clinical perspective. No feelings attached, just some nameless, faceless cases. Now she was one of those. Would she be one of those nameless cases to someone else? The thought made a shiver of fear run through her.

"I know it's frightening Sara, but we're going to do everything we can to help you. We're going to run some more tests so we can decide the best treatment course."

_**Six chances in ten it won't come back again**_

_**With the therapy were gonna try**_

_**It's just been approved**_

_**It's the strongest there is**_

_**I think we caught it in time**_

Three days later Sara found herself back in the examination room. She still felt this whole situation was a little surreal. As she sat on the table, waiting for the doctor to come, she looked around the room. Posters were hung on the walls, describing various illnesses. But not hers. Hers was far more complicated then what a poster could show. Sara closed her eyes, remembering how her mother had sobbed Monday night, as she told their family. She also remembered when she told her three best friends. They were shocked, but they had also made her feel better, because they didn't cry like her family did. They promised they'd do whatever they could to help. They'd stick by her. They gave her courage.

The doctor walked in, a weary smile on his face, as he sat pulled out papers, and looked at Sara. He seemed to be measuring her up, for what, she didn't know yet. After a few seconds, which lasted an eternity for Sara, he appeared to have made a decision. "Sara, I know you've studied this, so I'm going to give you the facts. I think that's how you want it, right?" She nodded heavily. "The odds on the treatment being successful are about six in ten, which is pretty good. There's also a new type of chemotherapy that's just been approved for use. It's the most advanced treatment we've got."

She nodded again, her parents were listening, though they noticed that Doctor Davidson was talking to Sara instead of them. "It's my opinion that you came just in time, Sara. There's a good chance we can beat this, if you want to try the new treatment."

_**Sarah Beth closes her eyes**_

_**and She dreams she's dancing**_

_**Around and around without any cares**_

_**And her very first love is holding her close**_

_**And the soft wind is blowing her hair**_

Yesterday had been her first round of chemo. The doctor had said that the medication they'd given her would make the recovery easier. If that was true she couldn't begin to imagine what it would have been like without the small mountain of pills she had to take.

It seemed to Sara that there was no end to the nauseous feeling. She'd gotten sick more times then she cared to count, possibly more times then she was able. She felt weak and tired, not matter how many hours she slept. It was impossible to keep anything down, even water and crackers were difficult. Having her mother hovering over her didn't improve the situation, as it made her irritable and added a headache to her list of complaints.

But Doctor Davidson had told Sara and her mother that the first round seemed to go well. He must know something she didn't, because she was thoroughly convinced it was awful. Needles, which she never liked, under her skin and chemicals leaking into her body, left her stationary for hours. However, the nurse had offered her one bright ray of hope. She'd noticed it wasn't thinning any, so perhaps she wouldn't lose it.

Sara had never been overly fond of her ordinary brunette curls, but she found herself fearing the loss of her hair more then any other side affect of the chemo. It was enough that her life was being disrupted by this disease, perhaps ended by it, though she hated to think of it that way. Sara just wanted to retain one bit of her normal life.

Sometimes, when she'd feel a particularly bad headache begin or began to feel rather hopeless, Sara would close her eyes, and pretend she was at the beach, dancing on the sand. An ocean breeze would be swaying the hem of her dress and someone would hold her tightly and never let go.

_**Sarah Beth is scared to death**_

_**As she sits holding her mom**_

_**Cause it would be a mistake**_

_**For someone to take**_

_**A girl with no hair to the prom**_

The beginning of April had brought about her third round of chemotherapy. However, this time Sara thought it had went better. She was now more prepared for the side affects, and had discovered ways to assuage the vomiting and pass the time. A friend she'd met at the hospital had even clued her in on some foods that were easier to keep down.

All in all, she was in much better spirits, since the doctor's reports seemed to be rather good.

But the third Saturday of April found her weeping in her mother's arms, sobbing indiscernible worries. For a while it had almost been as if she didn't have cancer, things seemed so normal, besides the chemo and the waning periods of illness. But this, this changed everything. This made her distinctly different.

And on a night as important as prom, even to Sara, who'd never much cared for school dances, different wasn't good.

_**For, just this morning right there on her pillow**_

_**Was the cruelest of any surprise**_

_**And she cried when she gathered it all in her hands**_

_**The proof that she couldn't deny**_

Sara had decided to sleep in that morning, and by the time she'd gotten up her father and brother, who was home for spring break, had already left to go fishing. As first she hadn't thought much about the strange feeling that was plaguing her. She knew something felt wrong, but what didn't in the last few months?

It wasn't until she sat up, legs swung over the side of her bed, that the sight of something brown on her white pillow caught her eye. Turning her head, her breath caught in her throat, just as a miserable sob fought its way up. Gasping for breath through her tears, trembling hands reached out to grab the strands of hair.

Her mother walked in as she sunk to her knees, clasping locks of hair in her hands and rubbing them against her cheek. As she kneeled there, she realized what it all meant. Sara could not continue to pretend she wasn't sick, that things were normal. People would no longer treat her normally, they would all know now that Sara Beth Sidle had cancer. She didn't want that, didn't want them to treat her differently. No matter how bad things got, she just wanted everyone to keep treating her like the Sara Sidle she'd always been. Now she had lost that, too.

_**Sarah Beth closes her eyes**_

_**and She dreams she's dancing**_

_**Around and around without any cares**_

_**and her very first love was holding her close**_

_**and the soft wind is blowing her hair**_

Another round of chemotherapy, another day spent alternately sleeping and throwing up. Sara's sleep was restless for a long while. She'd wake up every hour or so feeling warm and clammy. It wasn't until many hours later that Sara began to sleep fitfully and her dreams became peaceful.

**:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:**

She was dreaming of the first wedding she could ever remember going to. She was ten at the time, and the only one in the family her age. Bored eyes watched her older brother dance with his girlfriend under the large gazebo. As they turned, Sara and her brother met one another's eyes and he smiled. Whispering something and breaking away from his date he came over towards Sara. "May I have this dance?"

Sara rolled her eyes, but was secretly smiling. She loved dancing, loved the feel of the music wrapping around her soul, loved the wind whipping her hair. As a slow paced song began to play, she danced with her brother, and she was unable to keep the smile at bay any longer.

**:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:**

When Sara woke from her dream there were tears running down her cheeks.

_**It's quarter to seven **_

_**That boy's at the door**_

_**And her daddy ushers him in**_

_**And when he takes off his cap**_

_**They all start to cry**_

_**Cause this morning where his hair had been**_

_**Softly, she touches just skin**_

As she and her mother dashed about her bedroom, Sara was charged with an energy she hadn't had in months. She still found it hard to believe that Nick had still wanted to take her to the prom. Sure they'd be planning on going together since September, but she had figured even Nick wouldn't want to go with a girl who had to wear a wig to the biggest high school dance.

He had, however, insisted, saying he'd promised to be his best friends date, and when they made the promise hair had not been mentioned as a deciding factor. She'd smiled shyly when he told her to be ready at 6:45... Which, it was dangerously close to.

The doorbell rang at exactly quarter to seven. "Good old, reliable Nick." Her mother said with a smile, as she made the final adjustments to Sara's dress. Unable to speak, Sara could only nod.

They heard Mr. Sidle open the door and greet Nick, telling him to come right in. "Sara, Nick's here."

Taking a deep breath, Sara looked to her mother, who had tears in her eyes. "Ready to go?"

"Yes." Mother and daughter left Sara's room, heading for the stairs. They both saw Nick and Mr. Sidle waiting at the bottom, and Sara was surprised to see Nick start in surprise when he looked up, a warm smile on his face.

When she'd reached the bottom he took her hand in one of his. "Sara, you look lovely." His other hand reached up to tip off his hat to her, a usual response of his. However, unlike usually, when his hat was lowered what it revealed was not what Sara had expected. Sara reached a trembling hand up Nick's head and let her fingers trace lighly over his skull. The Sidles began to cry, and Nick, who had been trying to wipe away Sara's tears with his thumb, soon joined them.

_**They go dancing around and around**_

_**Without any cares**_

_**And her very first true love is holding her close**_

_**For a moment she isn't scared...**_

Sara had expected everyone to stare at her when she and Nick walked in. She expected whispering and murmurs of disapproval. She did not expect several of her friends to envelope her with tight embraces, and tell her how glad they were she had decided to come. She had not expected the DJ to announce that a song had been dedicated to Sara and Nick. As the music began to play, 'Because you Love Me' by Celine Dion, Nick lead Sara to the dance floor.

The whole world seemed to melt away for a few minutes. Every moment of misery was forgotten, lost to the music and the gently swaying of their bodies. Smiling, Sara looked at Nick. She whispered a thank you, eyes bright with tears. Nick laid a gentle kiss on her forehead before she let her head rest upon his shoulder.

She did not expect that after all the turmoil she'd been suffering through that there would be a moment in which she had no fears. She was glad things don't always turn out the way you expect them to.

**:-:-:-: The End :-:-:-:**


End file.
